Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Just almost older...

It is strange this business of getting older.
Dania, Rawane, and I were sitting at the green oval when Dania reminds me that my 22nd birthday is in a month or so.

22. not too old. but not so young. not too scary. but almost there.
22. not too late. but not 21. not a baby. not a kid. and not a teen.
22. Just 22.

Suddenly the sound of it started to get heavier, and we got carried away in conversation about the future and what and where we will be. Except our conversation was filled with blanks more than sentences.

One of us can't imagine herself in the future, it is too blurry for her. When she thinks of it, in the distance, she can't see it.
Another doesn't know what she wants to do but a big part of her plan is doing nothing; however she doesn't know what to do with the nothingness of it all.
And I, I am scared of getting older. I am scared of time passing by too quickly. I am slightly scared of not having my own family, my own little babies, or my own love story.

We walked to class and talked about our future jobs and how we can't be sucked in this capitalist world. We can't be bankers and engineers (well, we really can't because, technically we just don't know how to...); point is, we hope doing what we love wont pass us by. We hope we can make it possible, we hope we can do it on time, before its too late, before we are too old.

Then we walked out of class, with an eerie silence and i could almost hear their thoughts and mine colliding with the imagination of our hearts.

So what about the future?

With time, we will be living it.
Hopefully at 30, we will be writers, directors, photographers, and all that our hearts desire.
Hopefully at 30, we wont be controlled by "reason"...
Hopefully at 30, we wont be struck down by the "real world"...
Hopefully at 30, we will still be foolish...
Hopefully at 30, we will still take off our clothes and jump in the river...
Hopefully at 30, we will still dance under the rain...
Hopefully at 30, we will still hit the bars and come back with a couple of stories to tell...
Hopefully at 30, we will still take a chance on things...
Hopefully at 30, we will still want to jump off a plane...
Hopefully at 30, we will still bounce around in circles...
Hopefully at 30, we wont be too old to go to a rave...
Hopefully at 30, we will still find life exciting...
Hopefully at 30, our lives will be exciting...
Hopefully at 30, we will look back at today, at the 21 year old in us, delight in a self high-five, sit back on a beach chair, enjoy the touch of sand on our feet, and just feel our hearts accelerate with the intensity of our lives.

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